I don't usually discuss much of my personal life here on my blog. Not as a rule, more of the fact that I just think that most people don't really care about me as an individual person and are here for more artistic reasons. That's fine, but I am going to get personal today.
For my entire life I have always had a constant. I could always count on my mother to smile at my work and have words of encouragement. Always. She saved just about every drawing I did as a child in a big book and even kept a copy of my professional portfolio as an adult. She even framed and hung work in her home of paintings I did in school that I did not like but she boasted about. Her love and support was always completely unconditional. She also checked my blog on a regular basis for new things and would discuss it with me on the phone. I called Mom three or four times a week, mostly on my way home from work. We would also talk politics, religion, and baseball. Nothing was really a bad topic for us. My relationship with my mother was only distant in the literal sense as she kept her home in New Jersey near where I was raised. Mom won't be reading this entry on my blog. She won't be discussing it with me on the phone on my way home. Mom died on August 1st. I was lucky enough to be at her side as was my older brother. She was made comfortable by the hospital and didn't suffer. She opened her eyes at the very end to us, held up her hands for us to hold and then slipped away. She was a brave and strong woman and I can't imagine how difficult her life was. The longer I am a parent, the more I realize how hard the road was for Mom. She was raised by my immigrant Grandmother as her own father passed away on her tenth birthday. My father passed away when I was 7. Mom was only married for ten years and one month. She has waited thirty-six years to be re-united with my Dad and I am trying to find solace in that as I grieve. I have been a Christian my whole life and I am confident that Mom is in glory. I cry because I am selfish and I want my mom here with me. I cry because my son has lost two grandmothers in a three month span. My mother in law passed away in my home this past April.
While going thru Mom's home, I found some of my favorite photos of her and thought to share them. I don't know how old she was when the first two were taken but I do know that the wedding photo is from 1966 and the final two were taken on my birthday this past May. Mom was between her two open-heart surgeries and seemed to be in full recovery that weekend. I know now that God gave us all that wonderful three days as a farewell memory.
Sleep well Mom. You will be missed every day of my life until I join you in Heaven. Sleep well Mom. Your suffering is over and you are whole once more. You are with Dad and all those who have gone before you. I love you so very much!!
|Last photo of Mom with me and my family.|
|Mom with her two Grandchildren.|